2004 3rd Annual Top-Ten list of Useless flyfishing Equipment. - Fly Fishing Forum
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Old 01-31-2004, 12:02 PM
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2004 3rd Annual Top-Ten list of Useless flyfishing Equipment.

Ok... here we go. Remember.. This list may not necessarily fit everyones definition of “useless”.. But because of the cost of certain item’s I find them useless and interchangeable with other more practical ways of covering your bases here. So these items are my own opinion and nothing more so please don’t smother me with e-mails about my insensitivity. Certainly, I would suspect under certain circumstances or “personal” preference someone can feel they “need” this stuff. Also.. I am not drawing attention to any manufactures or suppliers ..but just in general terms of a specific product., regardless of who makes them or supplies them. Buy the way parental Guidance suggested..

Number 10- OSO Gear Station- I don’t know really how to describe this and I will not quote anything.But this piece of furniture has the Ralph Lauren look.. A rustic Post with all sorts of hooks( sorry “pegs”) and holes and boot jacks, and, etc..etc. This is to hang and dry off your stuff. So anyone with a rustic Montana lodge, or 1 million dollar plus Cape home can ‘Have it all”. There is no doubt that for a measly $159 bucks your can have this next to your $7000 home theater and watch it at the same time as your handy man checks on the drying conditions in between watching your first run movies.

Number 9– Well I will not name any products because you all know them... yes. $45 dollar plus fly boxes. I did one of these in my last years report. But this year we have a new assortment of them. Some of the trout boxes are easy to understand, while others need you to understand “String Theory’ to place and remove your flies. Someone must think flyfishing is boring to bring these to the market.

Number 8– I am including 2 items here..but they say the same thing... the $30 Abel lube System and the Dyna King $39.95 Cement Reservoir and Bodkin. Hey..I really don’t know what to say here except.... “ Boss, I was just thinking... I think this company pays me too much.. I don’t want to bring this issue to Human resources.. But I would hope you can do something about this pronto”.

Number 7 - ... and one of my favorites... The Stu Apte Signature Series Polarized Clic Sportsman Goggles... Man ..These are a must... Ok I confess I paid $99.99 and bought them for Boston Driving. I love the look I get when I have them on as someone tries to cut in front of me. The insane look that is built in provides me with the opportunity of keeping both hands on the wheel and not have to flip them the bird... Plus they are very intimidating... and I like intimidating in Boston traffic...just to be competitive you understand.

Number 6 - Ex-Officio is at it again. I guess they can’t sell enough of there other overpriced stuff.. So now we have a real winner.. I love this..The Ex-Officio Buzz-Off Collection... yes “collection” it says.. I can’t add up all the items and the cost but it is definitely a new line... and EPA approved it says. It has some built in insect repellant. It’s called Permethin.. A synthetic version of some natural stuff. ( found in King Tut’s tomb–no, just kidding) They make shirts..and, get this ..Socks too. The heading says It Was Only A Matter Of Time. You can figure the cost of this useful stuff. Now I have to get every color of THAT.

Number 5 - The Orvis Traveler’s Stripping Basket... HHHMMM.. A striping basket that folds up into a brief case shape.. Has all the cones and other stuff..but this baby costs $59 bucks!!!!!!!!!!!. But it does have a noncorrosive zipper... and comes with a years subscription to Forbes Magazine AND TH Wall Street Journal (Just Kidding)... So wherever you are you can look and feel like the big fat important businessman you think you are....and you don’t have to say a word.. Nice Huh? ( you can also at the end of your forward cast practice saying "you're fired" just like Donald Trump says on his real TV show)

Number 4 - The Umpqua Line Scale... this is new this year and cheap..only $19.95 and is in ALL catalogs.. If you forget to mark your spare lines you can rig this little baby up and find out the line weight. Now, I know some of you might say that’s not a bad idea... another good idea is to do what you always do and mark your lines with a permenent magic marker Hey.. I will take credit for that innovation... Next year I will come out with a magic marker that is specifically AND only to be used for marking fly lines.. I will also have labeled on the pen. “ Do not use for other applications under the penalties of Federal Law”. Good idea ..huh?

Number 3 - Ok.................... THE LL.BEAN MODULAR FISHING SYSTEM... I wish I could add music to this one. You have to see this to believe it but you can get a system to customize all your packs from float tubing to wading... sorry..BIG river wading.... This has everything and even a harness and ultra light harness.. ( Too bad .no whips.. “Ok Baby..here I come!!!). It has a “refuse bag” too and the ever popular water bottle and Holster., reel case, camera case... and a “modular” pocket. What’s a modular Pocket? Never mind. Add of the price of this stuff and you can se it MUST be useful. Looks great anyway! I must add here the SIMMS WADERWICK BOXER shorts. Nice and tight and does not bunch up. I call this an Anti-Wedgie devise to protect you from some of those fresh boys you might encounter on the BIG river.

Number-2- Remember last year or the year before I did a thing on Sun Gloves.... well sure enough we now have “Glacier Fighter Sun Gloves”.. These are padded and are real cool. I love them... why? because they say “Fighter”....I really want to get these because I like the way it sounds.. “FIGHTER!!!”... F..I G...H....T...E...R...... Mano a Mano... Only a real man would get these. Oh the world of Madison Avenue marketing techniques.

NUMBER 1 - and this deserves the Number One designation. The MARCO POLO FLY TYING SYSTEM... This comes in a little black case with the vise and all the tools in shinny stainless steel..like Dental equipment... This is a serious system for serious tyers... and scary looking... well the only thing that comes to mind when I look at this “system” is the movie “Marathon Man” and the fuzzy close up face of Zell (Lawrence Olivier).. Saying “Is it safe?.... Is it safe?.... is it safe?” Well.... it had better be safe because this baby costs only $599.00!!!!!!!!!!!! more than any vice on the market.

Last edited by striblue; 01-31-2004 at 12:52 PM.
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  #2  
Old 01-31-2004, 12:17 PM
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John,

It's become an annual tradition, I've come to treasure the day when the striblue list hits the press each year!

Thanks for making me laugh out loud again! Priceless!

Juro
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Old 01-31-2004, 12:37 PM
wrke wrke is offline
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John
Great fun. The only exception I would make is the line scale. I've found this inexpensive device absolutely indispensable in assembling custom made lines.
Bill
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Old 01-31-2004, 12:42 PM
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FrenchCreek FrenchCreek is offline
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OK, this is so funny!
What about a roof rack for your fly rods, similar to that used for skis!!!!. Saw these advertised recently in a magazine..
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Old 01-31-2004, 12:53 PM
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Well in truth, I have to agree that a line scale is of high value to those who like to customize lines, in fact it's critical. I am pricing some electronic grain scales that handle well over 1000 grains for two-handed applications, but don't tell John

Also, the rod racks are the ticket for truck fishing with spey rods, or 4x4 fishing on the outer beaches of Cape Cod, etc.

We knew there would be exceptions, John is there room for adjustments to the list?
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Old 01-31-2004, 01:00 PM
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Salmon Chaser Salmon Chaser is offline
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Strap on's!!

My personal #1 is and always will be any device used for mounting a rod on the OUTSIDE of your vehicle!!!:eyecrazy:
Just ask the gentleman who reduced a 15' Sage and matching Bogdan to the scrap pile as a result of these things. This was three years ago on the Margaree in Cape Breton.
Why? Why? Why? I ask!!! I wonder how the guy explained that one to Stan!!
Nice list Striblue!
Salmon Chaser
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  #7  
Old 01-31-2004, 01:01 PM
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Juro..you know that is not possible ... adjustments can be made by responses as has been done. My first paragraph certainly provides the exceptions :hehe:
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Old 01-31-2004, 01:12 PM
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Time for story...

As fishermen are incurable story tellers.... this one's true...

I was leaving a favorite river in Washington state after a particularly good day of steelheading, espresso in hand and feeling like the king of the world. I pulled up next to a SUV at a light just as the light changed and I motored past. As I looked in the rear view I noticed a rod tethering on their roof rack so slowed down to point it out.

They didn't know what I was doing as I motioned to their roof rack, now going at least 40 mph. They weren't warming up to my arm motioning, but suddenly, a sick look came upon the drivers face as he realized what I was trying to hint at... and at that moment the rod flew upward into the air and crashed into pieces behind the jeep as he hit the brakes.

I felt bad as the bearer of bad news, but it had to be done. The timing was horrible though!
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Old 01-31-2004, 02:27 PM
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Lightbulb Drug paraphenalia...?!

The boyz in da' hood prefer the simplicity and convenience of this little scale and so should you!
If the Taxachusettes State Police pull you over for no reason other than you were talking on the cell phone while eating a danish while sipping a double half caf latte while making unannounced sponteneous unsignalled multi-lane changes...
...and they find that little scale while you're copping an attitude...
BUSTED!
Cuffed n' Stuffed...
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Old 01-31-2004, 03:06 PM
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Maybe so but at least my homemade line would be casting purrrrrrfectly

Priorities!
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Old 01-31-2004, 05:04 PM
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Dble Haul Dble Haul is offline
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John, regarding number 7.....you don't need eyewear to look intimidating behind the wheel. All you have to do is wake up late at CAC for the Rip Trip and tear down 28 to the meet the others (on time?!).

Now that's intimidation!

Not that you can relate to that or anything, right?
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Old 01-31-2004, 11:07 PM
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Greg Pavlov Greg Pavlov is offline
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Quote:
Number 4 - The Umpqua Line Scale... this is new this year and cheap..only $19.95 and is in ALL catalogs.. If you forget to mark your spare lines you can rig this little baby up and find out the line weight. Now, I know some of you might say that’s not a bad idea... another good idea is to do what you always do and mark your lines with a permenent magic marker ...
I got one of these after trying to find a cheap small scale in lots of stores in my area. Usually all I ended up with was blank looks or worse, looks that said (I'd swear) "what are you, a coke dealer ?" I now mark my lines - saw the idea in an old Lefty Kreh book - but didn't start until I had a bit of a collection on hand.
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