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Old 01-04-2004, 07:07 PM
fredaevans fredaevans is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Rogue River
Posts: 3,856
Thoughts from America.

BADLY WORDED SIGNs

Sign in a laundromat: Automatic washing machines: please remove all your
clothes when the light goes out.

Sign in a dress shop window: Don't stand outside and faint - come in and have a fit.

Sign in a London department store: Bargain basement upstairs.

Sign in the window of a dry cleaner's: Same day dry cleaning - all garments ready in 48 hours.

Sign at the zoo: Please do not feed the elephants. If you have any peanuts or buns give them to the keeper on duty.

Sign outside a secondhand shop: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

Sign outside a photographer's studio: Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also.

Sign outside a travel agency: Why don't you go away?

Sign in a pet shop: Birds going cheep!

Sign outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome.

Sign in a restaurant: Our cutlery is not medicine so please do not take it after meals.

Sign in an American department store at Christmas: Visit Santa's grotto. No waiting - we're the only store in New York with three Santas.

Sign in a Coventry Factory: Any member of staff who needs to take the day off to go to a funeral must warn the foreman on the morning of the match.

Sign in a watch shop: Please wait patiently to be served. I only have two hands.

Sign in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

Sign on a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work).

Sign in a toilet in a London office block: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.
==========
RECIPE FOR a HAPPY NEW YEAR

Take twelve fine full-grown months, see that these are thoroughly free from all old memories of bitterness, rancor, hate and jealousy. Cleanse
them completely from every clinging spite. Pick off all specks of pettiness and littleness; in short, see that these months are freed from all the past. Have them as fresh and clean as when they first came from
the great storehouse of Time.

Cut these months into thirty or thirty-one equal parts. This batch will keep for just one year. Do not attempt to make up the whole batch at one
time (so many persons spoil the entire lot in this way), but prepare one day at a time, as follows:

Into each day put twelve parts of faith, eleven of patience, ten of courage, nine of work (some people omit this ingredient and so spoil the flavor of the rest), eight of hope, seven of fidelity, six of liberality,
five of kindness, four of rest (leaving this out is like leaving the oil out of the salad, don't do it), three of prayer, two of meditation, and one well selected resolution.

Put in about a teaspoonful of good spirits, a dash of fun, a pinch of folly, a sprinkling of play, and a heaping cupful of good humor.

Pour in lots of love mix with a vigor. Cook thoroughly in a fervent heat; garnish with a few smiles and a sprig of joy; then serve with quietness, unselfishness, and cheerfulness, and a Happy New Year is certain.
==========
THE SEVEN WONDERs

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the
following got the most votes

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids; 2. Taj Mahal; 3. Grand Canyon; 4. Panama Canal; 5. Empire State Building; 6. St. Peter's Basilica; 7. China's Great Wall.

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student who had not returned her paper. So she asked the girl if she was having
trouble with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help you out." The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are: 1. To touch; 2. To taste; 3. To see; 4. To hear," she hesitated a little, and then added, "5. To feel; 6. To laugh; 7. And to love."

The room was so full of silence, you could have heard a pin drop. A gentle reminder to all of you that the most precious things are before you your
family, your faith, your love, your good health and your friends.
==========
A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE

http://www.pathways-to-peace.com/popframeset.html
==========
Peace, balance, & harmony.

Sir Peter of Sedona
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