Ta' Hinea Cetan
The storys of Native American background in my family that I grew up listening to that my mom used to tell (her side) We always joked, cause my dad's side of the family was directly related to Hannah Dustin, statue in Haverhill Mass....You know the drill, if not, Google her name
I questioned this part of me for a long time. I shuned it for a long time. Then I began to ask, and the name was given to me by the Spirit. Now with the name, I was afraid to use it, ridicule, embarasment, people looking at you like you just steped off of the most recent arival from the planet Zoron (I still get that). I began to understand how the "First" Americans must feel.
That was it, untill March of 2001. I had a dream, and in this dream I was sitting on a huge crippled Eagle. 3 Native American men passed by in front of me, 2 had there faces covered with there blankets, the third stoped and asked who I was, and I spoke the name Deerhawk.
This dream (one of those real vivid ones, where you swear it was real) stayed with me, I thought about it everyday. I wondered what it meant. I asked about the meaning. I was told to "Observe".
On September 11, I was working at the coast. Having a cup of Coffee at my friend Marks Surf Shop, when he called us all in to see the first plane hit the Twin Towers. It was then that I understood the Dream. It was then that I understood who I was.
One of the storys I grew up with was the one about my Grandmother (Moms side) having visions. But my Grandfather was scared, not understanding, and forbid her
to speak any more about what she saw, or dreamed, I guess some of it was not to pleaseant.
But here's the best part for me ....
The Worldwide Flyfishing Forum was the first place I used the name in public, It was the first place that I was not ridiculed in some way, shape, or form for being me. I was so nervous the day I singed up as a member, that I put 2 a's in Hawk, which remains today, a small testament to how silly it was to feel that way here. The members of the Forum have always made me feel comfortable being who I was. And I havn't made it easy for you either alot of the time.
Ta' Hinea Cetan
Most of you who know me, won't think I'm any crazier now than I was when I first showed up....and thats a good thing?