|03-23-2000 04:06 PM|
A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He sure is, lady," the captain said. "This is the Block Island Ferry.
|03-18-2000 08:44 AM|
Nine lives wouldn't help that small detail!
|03-18-2000 05:59 AM|
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the
now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the
world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.
Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all
The Fairy Godmother replied "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a
good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3
Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?" Cinderella is
taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost
under her breath she uttered her first wish: "I wish I was wealthy beyond
comprehension." Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold.
Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her
lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.
Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother". The Fairy Godmother
replied "It is the least I can do. What does your heart wish for
your second wish?"
Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said: "I wish I was young
and full of the beauty of youth again".
At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her
beautiful youthful visage had returned.
Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years
and long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very
Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke, "You have one more wish, what
shall you have?" Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the
corner and said, "I wish you to transform Alan, my old cat, into a beautiful,
and handsome young man".
Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his
biological make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so
beautiful the like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair
indeed that birds begun to fall from the sky at his feet.
The Fairy Godmother again spoke: "Congratulations, Cinderella.
Enjoy your new life." And, with a blazing shock of bright blue
electricity, she was gone.
For a few, eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each
other's eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly
perfect boy she had ever seen.
Then, Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her
rocking chair, and held her close in his young, muscular arms. He leaned in
close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered, blowing
her golden hair with his warm breath, "I bet you regret having me neutered
now, don't you?"