|02-28-2000 11:42 AM|
Something that landed in my mailbox today...
Top 20 Things on a Y2K Survivalist's To-Do List
20) Apologize to the neighbors for all of those silly "See Ya Sucker!" New Year's Eve remarks.
19) Think of new and exciting ways to use that expensive generator.
18) Find the grocery store receipt for 10,000 packets of ramen noodles.
17) Apologize to next-door neighbor about the tripwire incident; offer to replace dog.
16) Take up pork-and-beans skeet shooting.
15) Gather recipes for Spam, dehydrated potatoes, and crow.
14) Cancel subscription to Stockpilers Quarterly, but keep the free can opener.
13) Convert weapons back to semiautomatic.
12) Pitch "1000 Ideas for Wheat Gluten" to Martha Stewart's people.
11) Return 753 videos to Blockbuster.
10) Water the yard, one lousy gallon at a time.
9) Prepare for the dreaded but little-known "Arbor Day Bug."
8) Explain to the kids one more time why it was better to be prepared than to go on vacation to Disney World last year.
7) Learn how to disarm a Claymore mine before cutting the lawn.
6) Laugh at all those losers out there fighting each other for scraps of food, and thank the Lord for the safety of the bunker, cut off from all connection with the outside world.
5) Find the shyster who sold me all that dehydrated water.
4) Wonder if we wouldn't have been better off getting zapped with Y2K.
3) Convert my anti-Y2K-Bug tinfoil hat back into an anti-Katie-Couric-Mind-Control tinfoil hat.
2) Make sure the babes in the bunker still think we need to repopulate Earth.
1) Make friends with the 6 billion other Y2K survivors.