: TGIF: Favorite Fishing Joke(s)
I'll probably be kicked off the board for suggesting this, but do any of you out there in Cyberland have any favorite fishing jokes? I need some new material for the upcoming season. It is Friday, and the rivers are calling, and I can't keep my mind on work anyway, so here's one to start it off:
There was an ardent fisherman who fished every weekend, religiously.
He'd get up at dawn on Saturday, go quietly out of the house with his tackle, and fish his brains out til dark, whereupon he come home, fall into bed, and repeat the process Sunday morning.
One day, in mid-January, he got up as usual around oh-dark-thirty something and looked out the window. It was raining hard and the wind was blowing , but, what the hell, he thought he'd chance it.
So he gets out to the stream, wades in at first light, and starts casting into a noticably rising and clouding river. The wind picks up, the temperature drops another 10 degrees, and it starts snowing.
"Screw this," he thinks, about an hour later. "I haven't had a strike all morning; I'm freezing; and my car's almost buried in snow. I'm going home."
So he climbs out of the river, sloshes and smashes his way through the snow back to his car, shovels it out and makes his way, eventually, back home.
Once inside he grabs a cup of coffee and flicks on the TV. The weather girl is forecasting the storm of the century, with continuing snow and sub freezing temperatures abetted by gale force winds.
"Well, nuts," he thinks. "Maybe I'll just go back to bed."
So he goes back to his bedroom, undresses, climbs into bed and snuggles cozily against his wife's bottom.
"Can you believe this weather?" he asks his wife.
"God, no," she mumbles sleepily. "And my crazy bastard of a husband is out there fishing in it."
05-11-2002, 09:44 AM
I asked a one-armed fisherman what his biggest catch was - he said "This big!" and held his hand out to the side as far as he could reach. (definetly a visual)
My favorite can't be posted here. :devil:
05-13-2002, 07:29 AM
A priest is on his way to Sunday mass. As he is driving by he notices that the fish are rising like crazy in the near by river. It has been so long since he has fished he can barely contain the temptation. He goes back to the house and calls the church.
"I can't make it to mass this morning. I'm really sick, but I think I will be better tomorrow".
Since he is a man of the cloth they take him at his word and wish him well. He grabs his rod and heads for the river. First cast he hooks a nice 16" brown. Cast after cast he is catching fish. He can do no wrong.
The angels in heaven run to God and notify him of what the priest has done. God says he knows about it and has it under control.
The priest continues to catch fish. He is having the best day he has ever had. Fish after fish rise to take whatever he offers. The angels can not believe that God is letting him get away with this. But, they continue to watch the priest.
Finally, the priest makes a cast at a massive rise. A huge mouth comes from under the surface to take the fly. A monster brown leaps from the water and a battle ensues (The angels nod now knowing his punishment). This is definately the biggest fish to ever be hooked in this river. But the priest plays the fish with masterful skill. He applies the perfect amount of pressure to protect the light tippet. The fish comes close to the priest and makes another run. Time after time they come together only to have the fish make another run.
After several attempts the fish comes within a few feet. The priest takes his net............ Reaches out.........and nets the huge fish.
The angels can't believe it!!!!! God??? How can you let him do that?? That is the fish of a lifetime!!!! This was the best day any fisherman could ever have!!!!!
God looks down on the priest, smiles at the angles, and says "Yes....but who is he going to tell?"
05-13-2002, 08:38 AM
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."
05-13-2002, 02:55 PM
A boy carried his ice traps out onto the pond and around a point to his favorite cove. As he cut his holes and baitd his traps he wached an older gentleman across the cove pull in fish frequently. He however, caught none. He continued to get more and more frustrated wacthing the old timer continue to respond to one flag after another. Finally he could take it no more and went over to the man to find out what he was doing to be so successful. He approached the man and asked, the secret to his success was as they were using the same bait.
The man mumbled " hmph, hmph murmur. The boy asked several more times only to get the same unintelligable mumbling. At last the boy yelled in frustration " I can't understand you what are you trying to say.
The man spit into his cupped Hands and said, " YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP YOUR WORMS WARM!"
05-13-2002, 03:17 PM
A husband and wife are at a discount tackle store to purchase a rod and reel. Upon approaching the cash register, they notice that the worker is blind. Despite his limitation, the worker confidently and adeptly rings up a $20 rod and $10 reel. Just then, the wife breaks wind and turns beat red from embarrassment.
"Do you think he'll notice?" she asks her husband.
"I doubt it," says the husband.
"Okay," says the cashier, "that will be $35."
"But we're only buying $30 worth of gear," says the wife.
"No, no," replies the blind man, "$20 for the rod, $10 for the reel, and $5 for that stinkbait you're holding."
Just noticed, we don't have a moderator for this board... any volunteers? :devil:
let's keep it clean folks
05-15-2002, 08:34 PM
A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We're leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up....Oh,and by the way, please pack my new blue silk pajamas". The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, "Yes! lots of Trout, some Flounder, and a few Reds. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do? The wife replies, "I did. They were in your tackle box".
Juro, forgot to add: Your right .... we're right on the edge of the 'steep slippery slop.' Where the heck is Dana when we need him???????
05-15-2002, 09:53 PM
The angler couldn't believe his good luck when he read the ad for "Madison River Float Trips - Only $25!" When he arrived, the outfitter and his assistants, who looked like extras from "Deliverance," collected his $25, then beat him up, stole his tackle, tied him to a log and threw it into the river. For several hours he drifted downstream, not quite drowning, before drifting into a backeddy. There he noticed another man, also tied to a drifting log.
"You think they're going to serve us lunch?" he asked. "I doubt it," the other man replied. "They didn't last year."
05-15-2002, 11:21 PM
There were three blondes in a jetsled at anchor in the middle of the Wynoochee during closed fishing season. Each one of them had lines in the water. A game warden in a sled comes blasting up the river towards them and they don't blink an eye and keep rods in hand with lines in water. The warden pulls along side of them and says "I'm sorry, I'm going to have to confiscate all your gear, this river is closed so you're all poaching."
The first blond says "Officer, we have magnets attached to our line, we're trying to find old watches and tackle on the bottom of the river". The officer says "Ok, you all reel up your lines, if you all have magnets on your lines, you're free to go about your business". Sure enough, all three reel up and have these huge magnets attached to end of their lines. The officer shakes his head in disbelief and says "Have a nice day". He starts up his boat and heads on upriver.
He isn't even out of sight when all three burst into laughter. The first blond says "Man, that Warden is a moron, doesn't he know there's STEELhead in this river??"