Keeping your spouse happy [Archive] - Fly Fishing Forum

: Keeping your spouse happy


Brad
04-01-2002, 08:46 AM
This topic must have been covered before but I do not remember what the thoughts were. I went fishing Saturday to Cheeseman Canyon which is two hours from my house. We stayed until dark and I got home at 9:00. When I got home my wife gave me all kinds of grief for not being home for dinner the day before a holiday. Fishing is my only vice that keeps me away from the house and I try to spread my trips out as much as possible. My wife has no desire at all to go fishing and the kids are still a little too young for a full day trip. I am sending the family to the inlaws for 10 days in June so that I can fish the Henry's Fork w/o getting into trouble but I cannot do that very often. Any creative ideas for keeping the spouse happy would be greatly appreciated.

BTW the rainbows are in full color out here and look great.

Brad

Lefty
04-01-2002, 09:56 AM
I gave up on trying. I fish too much-and she resents me for it. Sad but true. At least if I meet my obligations as a father and husband (has- been) I can claim my side of the street is clean. I work damn hard to accomplish that. But often her opinion of what "meeting my obs." means varies greatly from mine. Alas, the life of a fisherman.
You guys with supportive sympathetic wives, count your blessings.

Lefty

Dble Haul
04-01-2002, 10:20 AM
I can reply to this, but my response will be skewed because my wife enjoys fishing. Right now she uses spinning gear to jig up tons of panfish and smallmouth, but over the past few years she has really taken a liking to fly tying and seeing me catch fish on her creations. Last summer she caught a couple of sunfish on my 3 weight and had a blast, and says that she'd eventually like to get more into it.

But she's not as fanatical about fishing as I am, so it's gotta be a two way street. She's a musician, so when she's out playing the piano or the violin I attend whenever possible. And when I start to wonder whether or not we're doing too much of what I want to do, I ask what she wants to do. Sometimes it's in line with fishing, sometimes it's not. And when it's not, we share in an activity that she wants to do. Disclaimer: this is sometimes easier said than done, especially when there's great hatches going on or the tides are just right!

I knew when I married Anne that there would be compromise. She knew that she was marrying the epitome of a fishing fanatic, and I knew that my time on the water would sometimes be limited. But the pluses of my marriage far outweigh any of the compromises, and that's something that I can accept. :)

Jimmy
04-01-2002, 10:41 AM
This is a question that man has pondered from the time of Adan and Eve. I can relate. But I am also very fortunate. Years ago, I had many,many,many vises. Fishing didn't make the top ten list. To make a long story short, I have removed all but a few vises from my life. The only vises I have left above the hips are smoking(working on it), fishing and a Renzetti. In my wifes eyes, fishing aint so bad. If it's possible, you could develope one or two more vises. Nothing major. Just something she dislikes more than fishing. When you give them up, fishing won't look all that bad.;)
In all reality, I make sure that my duties as husband and father are completed prior to hitting the water. It cuts down on my fishing time. But it makes that time more rewarding. As far as my "new vise" advise, I wouldn't try it. :tsk_tsk: You may find that you enjoy yuor new vise better than your old one.:hehe:

John Desjardins
04-01-2002, 10:52 AM
The best compromise I reached with my wife was that I would fish the predawn & morining then meet her and my son at the beach at 10:30 AM, and then my son was my responsibility while she enjoyed the beach. Alas child #2 arrived and I haven't been able to do this in several years.

Among the things I've learned NOT to do are:
While on vacation leave her and a child in a cabin with no TV or car and go fishing. The bear I saw 40 feet away that day was less frightening than my wife when I got back.

Attempt to go fishing when any childs activity is going on or planned. This includes far more than most people would think.

Sit and read a fishing magazine (or worse a catalog) while my wife talks. Especially bad if its a catalog and she is talking about finance.
Sorry I don't have any great suggestions Brad.

Roop
04-01-2002, 11:42 AM
Make hay while the sun shines.

:D

jborkowski
04-01-2002, 04:47 PM
marriage? what's marriage?

John Desjardins
04-02-2002, 08:43 AM
Two more thoughts

Try 1/2 day trips. My wife is a morning person and a morning alone with the kids doesn't bother her as much as a full day.

Find a spot where you can stop on the way home for 45 minutes of fishing a couple of times a week. It gets the jones off, and doesn't get noticed as time spent fishing by the wife.

Jeff B: you'll learn some day. :devil:

mitch
04-02-2002, 09:37 AM
1. Show a woman the artistic value in anything you do and it will help take the edge off of a vice that takes much away from a young family.
2. Take interests in things she does. I have learned too much about scrap-booking. I don't care for it, nor do I care spending $$ on stickers and funky scissors, and she knows it. But I see the gesture reciprocated when I just gotta have [insert anything under the sun here] that she thinks is totally stupid.
3. Schedule fishing time around the kids sleeping habits and her activities.
4. Practice casting at the park when the kids are running around.
5. Buy a ~$100 fly rod and a Pfleuger reel all loaded up. When she asks why you bought it, tell her it's for her anytime she chooses to participate in an activity together. Don't ever use that rod or reel yourself, even if she says she'll never use it.
6. Start dropping hints that you're interested in golf or some other hobby that the gear costs a lot, takes even more time from your family, and you pay as you play. Fishing won't seem so bad then.
Just some suggestions,
Mitch

OC
04-03-2002, 09:43 AM
Not married but have been going out with the same wonderful woman for 5 years now. Couple of days ago I asked her what she wanted for her up coming B-day? She just looked at me with sad eyes and eventually said," my B-day was March 4th". Ouch, that hurt! To make up for it we agreed to a day on the Yakima River, trout fishing and with me being the guide for the day. This will include a gooood bottle of whine, the best Italian lunch meats and if the sun is out and it's warm a little stream side loving in some isolated spot. Also bought her a wonderful trout fly fishing related gift and I will take her out that evening on the way home to dinner seeing I missed Valentines day because of being out of town for work.
As much as I hate trout fishing anymore I will enjoy every minute of this trip with the best woman I've ever been with. I'll always will feel guilty for missing her B-day and I know she will never try and get revenge and will let me go steelhead fishing when ever I want.
I think I'm a lucky man what ya think?

FlyMan
04-03-2002, 11:53 AM
"This will include a gooood bottle of whine . . ."

Boy, is that a Freudian slip or what!

OC
04-03-2002, 04:37 PM
God, flyman your right that was a hell of a freudin slip. Guess I'm still gun shy after one wife and many girl friends that I've screwed up on because of one thing or another, usually fishing related. Let's hope the gooood bottle of wine will stem off a loooong day of whine. If not then I'll get what I deserve.
OC

admin
04-03-2002, 06:48 PM
Very romantic, I hope it all works out... but let's keep in mind that our families and anglers of all ages read our posts so we should be careful not to go beyond what you see on prime time TV. On second thought, let's set our standards much higher ;)

Lefty
04-03-2002, 07:45 PM
Hey Admin,

I find nothing offensive here. What gives? What is offensive is the thought of a nice rosey "PC" weboard that denies that the constituents are 99% men who fish and swear on occasion. Let's keep it reasonably clean but too much of that kind of sterile enviroment could be the downfall of honest discourse. Besides, this kind of revealing insight into how being a fisherman can affect your life is very interesting and it's who we are. Germain comments IMO.


Lefty

ps. Disagreeing with the admin on occasion should be allowed too.

ssully
04-03-2002, 08:56 PM
Originally posted by admin
Very romantic, I hope it all works out... but let's keep in mind that our families and anglers of all ages read our posts so we should be careful not to go beyond what you see on prime time TV. On second thought, let's set our standards much higher ;)

Dear Abbymin,

HRUMPH!!! Prime TV??? Holy Sheeeeat! The Osbornes are the #1 prime tv show and average using the "F" word 139 times per episode. Where you been?

Look this whole thread is crap! Brad grow some nads and tell the old lady you're goin fishin and that's that! And I'm walkin the walk Bubba. That Bonefish report I just posted is point in fact. We're on our 25th anniversery and I grab a flight outta town. Damn to a whole other island to go fishin for the day. Have a nice day HON! Dont' sell the farm. :D

If she still keeps whinin send her here.
http://home.attbi.com/~ssully/stuff/WifSkool.WMV

juro
04-03-2002, 11:11 PM
Fine with me, and I'd book a flight to a better fishing island in a heartbeat (this came up in a conversation today in fact)... but for those who have been sending complaints and counter complaints of the he-said variety please address them to Lefty and Ssully from now on! :hehe:

Back to FISHING... :smokin:

ssully
04-04-2002, 09:32 AM
LOL :D

Juro,

Did you check my reply about the wading shoes? The offer is still open.

OC
04-04-2002, 09:44 AM
Admin,
What's up with the warning? Don't see anything posted that damages a childs or a wifes inner soul.
Angie the Fishing Goddess may very well be right when she says that the new fly fisherman is a whimp!
Flyfishermen are men who drink, smoke and are able to make fun of each other and themselves. I'm sure that this thread was done for fun in the manner that fly fishermen use humor. If it was serious then someone needs to go see a minister and get their family life straitened out.
We need to be civil but we need to have color also.
Flytalk is now the kitchen table or grarge of old where men who fish used to sit around and talk fishing and all the off colored subjects that go with it. Why would anyones kid or that matter wife unless she fishes want to come to a flyfishing website? Maybe she is checking up on the old man, making sure he is not planning on skipping out on mowing the lawn.

Brad
04-04-2002, 10:59 AM
OK Ssully with nads in hand I am going fishing to the Miracle Mile for three days this weekend. I cooked the wife a pot of beef stew and some ham and bean soup so she does not have to cook while I am gone. I prefer to take Mitch's advice and treat my wife like a queen. I feel sorry for you and your old lady.

juro
04-04-2002, 11:05 AM
Don't mind admin, he's a friggin wimp :hehe:

That was me. It's a long story - let's just say that it's easy to take exception and very difficult to maintain a balance. Many people do the former, and only a handful do the latter. The exceptions seem to go in two different directions, some private; some public. I'll stop there.

For the record, I'm just an angler (hardcore at that :smokin: ) who believes in the power of community and have accepted my role - to maintain balance. So lets count this as an important moment of realization wherein we reinforced that we are indeed hard men with fishing rods (see I refrained from a good joke there) and decorum and move on to fishing as spring comes to the northern hemisphere.

Nonetheless, thanks for voicing your thoughts, offline and online - such debates are healthy and through them we determine our boundaries.

Ssully - I would love to take you up on the offer, but I have to say that based on your description I already love them and may pick up a pair before May!

ssully
04-04-2002, 12:31 PM
Originally posted by Brad
OK Ssully with nads in hand I am going fishing to the Miracle Mile for three days this weekend. I cooked the wife a pot of beef stew and some ham and bean soup so she does not have to cook while I am gone. I prefer to take Mitch's advice and treat my wife like a queen. I feel sorry for you and your old lady.

Brad it is I who feel bad for you. You have to lighten up and learn to take a joke. Geezus.

Sprocket
04-04-2002, 02:19 PM
SSully - not for nothing but I'm always a little careful responding to comments if I don't feel I have a certain rapore with reply-er.

I know you were kidding but I've been around this board and know your posts - I saw the humor. maybe Brad didn't and was being cautious too.

as for Admin: just doing the job...

Brad - good luck on the water and with She. Don't be afraid to ask her to come along, even if it's just to watch - my girl started out by bringing a book - now her gear is better than mine...

any FISH REPORTS yet!??

Nick
04-04-2002, 02:23 PM
Sprocket...I think that's where my girlfriend is heading. Once she sees how beautiful it is walking the flats of Monomoy this summer, or anyone of the other breathtaking views I enjoy before most have ended thier dreams, I think she'll be coming without the book more often.

Lefty
04-04-2002, 02:38 PM
And then come the kids....

Nick
04-04-2002, 03:39 PM
I shouldn't have opened my mouth ;) Lets not get too far ahead of ourselves here!!

kcsmes
04-04-2002, 04:01 PM
Guess mine aren't as big as ssully's. She's gotten used to the idea that I am going to go fishing - but to relieve the tension we have worked out a few compromises that increase my time on the water without too much suffering for the pleasure. I do a spring fishing trip with my buds and she does a fall fishing (read shopping) trip with hers. When on vaca together, I fish early while she sleeps in. I surf fish while the family sunbathes and swims. Thankfully she likes the boat so we can boat and fish together.

OC
04-10-2002, 02:16 PM
Just to complete this thread.

3 married guys go fishing.
After an hour, this conversation takes place.
First guy:
"You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend.
I had to promise my wife that I will have to paint every room in the house next weekend.
Second guy:
" That's nothing, I had to promise my wife I'd build her a new deck for the pool.
They contnue to fish when then they realize the third guy has not said a word.
So they ask him
"You haven't said a word about what you had to do to come fishing.
Third guy:
I just set my alarm for 5:30 AM.
When it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, "fishing or sex," and she said,
"Wear a sweater."

juro
04-10-2002, 05:36 PM
ROTFL! :hehe:

I'll have to try it out.