Elocution Classes are on [Archive] - Fly Fishing Forum

: Elocution Classes are on

01-25-2007, 02:14 PM
Tuition will commence from the 13th June for ten days and will be held at the usual places. Still working out the finer details of the curriculum; it has been requested that we broaden the subjects beyond the correct annunciation of the Queen's English and include topics such as;

The Metric System
Contemporary History
Political Incorrectness
Double Entendre

As always I will be ably assisted by a crack squad of salty blaggards, expert in drinking, fishing, drinking and lying. Pass marks will be at the usual standard.

01-25-2007, 04:15 PM
If any of you have businesses, homes, family, hearing or daughters on the Cape can I just apologise in advance now.

It will save time later, believe me.


01-25-2007, 07:44 PM
Interesting how they still call it the "English" system when you folks across the pond don't use it anymore (except when referring to a form of currency....). Maybe they should rename it the "American" system:hihi:

01-26-2007, 04:26 AM
But it is an American system. A UK gallon (imperial gallon) is made up of 160 ounces (4.5 litres) whilst you guys are sold short with only 128 ounces (3.8 litres).

If I ordered a gallon of beer, I know which one I would want.

It's not to late to come back into the fold Doc. We'll call the last 230 years, 6 months and 22 days a little misunderstanding.

01-26-2007, 04:43 AM
Hey Jamie

Can we include a description of the wondrous game of cricket? Their baseball game does not have a wicket for heavens sake.


01-26-2007, 04:50 AM
And they run around in a circle!!! I mean; what's that about??

All the guys here know they can pop over any time and I'll take them onto the sacred Pavillion at the Oval, the home of cricket.

01-26-2007, 05:10 AM
And you would think that they would have the decency to serve tea when they stop off at one of those "base" things. And why does the bowler have to stand on a hill? Ruins your run up. Hey Jamie I think the good guys are all still tucked up in bed! Sit back and wait!

01-26-2007, 06:31 AM
You may have the wicket, but we've got the HOME RUN....ever watch David Ortiz tee off on a pitch and send it flying out of the park? It's a thing of beauty!

01-26-2007, 06:37 AM

01-26-2007, 07:13 AM
Hey flydoc! Nope I have not seen that. Have you ever seen Fred Flintoff hit a straight one back over the bowlers head for six? Now that is a thing of beauty. Call it a "crowd" ball, that's where it's going and the crowd love it! Bet he could handle a baseball bat as well.

01-26-2007, 08:10 AM
i have to say in fairness to my hosts, i do now enjoy baseball ( go Sox etc) which is weird because before i got here i thought it was a girls game, like it is in England.

but, when the Sox are a run down in the last innings with two bases loaded and either Mr manny, Mr big papi or Mr Ortiz hits a 'homer' it does raise an eyebrow, sometimes two.

especially against the Yankees. :smokin:

to be popular with the locals here in MA, you need only know 2 things about baseball :

1. the Yankees suck.

2. and in Boston should anyone ask you what you think of the Yankees ? the correct response should always be " F*ck the Yankees!".

tis true.


01-26-2007, 12:55 PM
Should we warn the other residents of Morris Island in advance or have you found somewhere a bit more remote to make camp?:lildevl:

It is going to be BRILLIANT to catch up with you guys again :smokin:

01-26-2007, 03:27 PM
i have to say in fairness to my hosts, i do now enjoy baseball ( go Sox etc) which is weird because before i got here i thought it was a girls game, like it is in England.

No Mark... It's GO CARDINALS, don't you remember? :roll:

I'll be wearing my Cards T-shirt in the Squire, come June... and then face the consequences! :chuckle:

01-26-2007, 04:33 PM
GB- Welcome to Red Sox nation! Yes the rivalry with the Yankees is quite intense- I try to be a bit more diplomatic about it than most of my fellow Sox fans (I don't like the Yankees, but I do respect their accomplishments as a team), but occasionally I too get swept up in the moment....

Stevo- the Cards are OK, although I do recall the Sox sweeping them 4-0 in the 2004 World Series:tongue:

Essex- sounds like Mr. Flinthoff hits the cricket version of the home run with his "crowd balls"- I would like to see that sometime. Did catch part of a match down in Bermuda a number of years back, but was a bit confused about the rules...guess I'll have to read up on them before I watch another one.


01-26-2007, 05:15 PM
Stevo- the Cards are OK, although I do recall the Sox sweeping them 4-0 in the 2004 World Series:tongue:

Yeah but who's the current World Series holders?! :tongue:

Still, I can't quite take someone with a name like A Pooholes seriously though! :chuckle:

01-26-2007, 06:51 PM
well since spring is comming, i suggest that we continue this on the water. say 3 or 4 days on the chalk streams of england or rivers of scotland and a few days on some of new england's finest. any takers?

chris williams
01-27-2007, 05:17 AM
You lot are a major worry!

1) It takes a yahoo from deepest Africa to tell you the word is 'enunciation'.

2) For you Old/New-World-philes, Africa is also 'across the pond'.

3) Over here, a 'World Series' is where the world's invited, not just four teams, where the final's USA v Canada; Martha's Vineyard and Key West having narrowly lost out in the semis. Now that all decent Cuban baseballers have been given Green Cards or have been sent off in a spurious attempt to find virgins to roll more much-needed cigars with velvety parts of their body, 'He or She Upstairs' has warned you. You've ended up with David and 'Posh' Beckham for your sins. Let this be an omen. Tony Blair's already crapping himself Paris Hilton will get sent to London in retaliation. On a general sporting note, I humbly suggest to my American and English friends that you invent a new sport with some farcical rules - after all, you've each had practice for years doing this with both baseball and cricket - thus becoming World Champions for a few blissful years until the Australians and Russians get to understand the rules.

4) A gentlefolk's amicable flyfishing Round Robin should thus in today's PC lingo be 'multicontinented' - is this word included in the 'Politically Correct' course being offered? Otherwise I envisage your New World v Old World joust, exempt of 'far-flung' places, eventuating as follows:

A) North America - Battenkill - max size (not # that's metric/American - see 'Metric System' in my esteemed colleague's earlier message) 24 hooks, only casting once mayfly species (not genus or family) has been detected and only using a fly which would've been around in Mary Orvis's time. Only casting once you've allowed those with Leonard bamboo rods freshly-taken off their dining room walls to 'overtake' you in the pools, as is entrenched in BORFPWCAHHITH (Bill Of Rights For People Who Can Afford Holiday Houses In The Hamptons).

B) Europe - River Test - If you wear a badly-fitting tweed coat, if you wear a white shirt and a claret-stained Old Etonian tie, if you wear a deerstalker with rancid dandruff inside, if you've a pipe half-full of a mummy's remains, if your hip flask contains remnants of both a single malt and a single false tooth lost when you fell off a rock playing THAT salmon on the Spey, then this isn't a Rudyard Kipling poem and you've already earned two bonus points. If you peer mysteriously into the water awaiting the BWO hatch, whilst crouching on one knee, with a patchy pair of waders, Hardy Palakona, silk fly line and dry Kite's Imperial, give yourself another two points. If like most members of the Houghton Club you're totally fcking blind anyway and can't see the river never mind a hatch, further two point bonus. It is considered not done to catch one of the 2lb stocked-that-day fish. Minus two points per misdemeanour. Bearing in mind all the fish have in fact been stocked that day, it is deemed quite sporting and part of the unwritten etiquette to catch no fish at all. Indeed, although competitive fishing is frowned upon, from 1948 to 1953 Maj-Gen A.C. Fishnet-Stockings was the Club Open :) Champion, having amassed an admirable total of 0 pounds 0 ounces. This included his record fish on the Bridge Beat of a 0 lb 0 oz hen fish in prime condition. This catch is still proudly on display above the fireplace in the pub at Stourbridge, next to the revered gentleman's landing net, which remains in pristine condition to this day.

For those adventurous enough to enter the Asian, Australasian, South American, Antarctic, and indeed if I may so humbly suggest or even impose, Africa, sections of the 'World Series' please let me know via telegraphic or electronic communications?


Proudly sponsored by:

Madonna Adopt-An-African-Flyfisher

01-27-2007, 06:56 AM
hey chris- that's what i said. pay attenton next time. off to africa, count me in. who else?

chris williams
01-27-2007, 07:42 AM
Dear NNeal,

'Enunciation' - One 'N' as in 'NNeal'....


On your proposed f'fishing 'tour' - good lad - excellent thinking!

I'd love to be in!

I have to admit I do have a tad of the Northern Hemisphere in me. I was born in London ('London, England') and I 'grew' up on the chalkstreams. The Test, Avon, Kennet, Itchen and Pang were my stompin' grounds - especially when I was fleet of foot and could outrun the bailiffs!

Over the years I've also come to know and revere many of the US trout streams in upstate NY and New England, so rather like Michael Jackson, 'I love you all!'!

I spent some of my mainly unformative years in Oz (Melbourne - lovely place/people, but Manchester weather - Beckhams' no doubt to blame there as well) - f'fishing's also magic there.

Here in South Africa - yellowfish in our rivers - rather akin to English barbel, are mini-mahseers and look/fight like golden bonefish - Czech-style nymphing's usually the go. Tigerfish, mega-catfish as well as 'exotic' trout on the freshwater front are all favourites. I also manage a fair amount of salt and fresh fly fishing in other parts of Africa, especially Kenya, and as I'm in the shipping world, business often takes me where a 4 piece rod can also follow - or is it the other way round?!

Would love to hear your (and others') backgrounds and experiences!

For my sins I'm the president of our local flyfishing club (Johannesburg) so anyone coming to South Africa with a fly rod, a sense of adventure/humour and an appreciation of a post-match prandial - or in the case of tiger fishing, usually pre-match as well as it's so damn hot! - please get in contact if you need advice on the area or if you'd like to come along as a guest of our club.

Open and sincere invite!

Chris Williams

01-27-2007, 01:40 PM
Chris, NMB.

Just literally got home from fishing the river Test. Beanie hat, Costa del Mars and the muddiest set of breathables imaginable. There was a shoot going on across the field, so perhaps they were executing the fishermen without the required plus fours etc. Phwew, lucky escape I guess.

Come over anytime guys and I'll take you fishing on the not so hallowed waters.

01-27-2007, 04:56 PM
cchris& jjamie, i'd love to get to south africa or back to england/scotland. i actually own a time share in south africa called dikhololo. it is about 30 miles beyond brits in northwest province(?) i think it's called. i've never been there but i use it to trade for a place in the bahamas where a group fo us go each april to taunt bonefish. i've also done a bit of southern hemisphere fishing. i go to the amazon each year to wrestle with peacock bass. i was there in december and will be there again in feb. tried my luck in the phillipnes, but as luck would have it my luck apparantly had run out nothwithstanding the heroic efforts of an english ex pat who owns a fly tieing business there. we were both s.o.l. on that trip. like yourselves, i like it all. i do a salmon trip every year to the miramichin in canada, and have fished all over the u.s. for trout and various warm water species in florida. here in hingham, which is a suburb of boston, i fish boston harbor on my boat, primarily for stripers and tuna. i also do a bit of trout fishing in new england and, in georgia for the real big boys. fished scotland a few years ago on the tey and the ? (can't remember). in a nutshell i'm game for new places and new fishing experiences, whereever they are. is there any fishing worthy of note in the area north of brits? if so, maybe a fishing expedition to dikhololo would be in order, but only after we have thoroughly embarassed you in front of your chums at "the club". if you're not yet barred from the old sod, maybe we should instead humiliate and embarass jjamie in front of the purported execution squad that apparantly frequents his waters. of course you are welcome to come here where, as americans, we are somewhat impervious to embarassment and humiliation, and will undoubtedly need to be should you take up the offer.. neal

chris williams
01-28-2007, 12:32 AM
Dear Jamie:smokin: (you in your Costa Del Mars, and customary cigarette prior to firing squad) and Neal,

Glad to hear that Jamie is wearing proper fishin' gear for the Test!! As long as your hip-flask's full that's half the battle - couple of swigs of that'll give you strength enough to take on half a dozen Hoorah Henrys and their Purdeys - chances are they'd miss you anyway.

Neal, your timeshare, I know the area well. 'Dikololo' (That's how the people who speak siPedi up there spell and even enunciate it...) means 'Klipspringers' as I'm sure you know? These little buck have the best imaginable buoyant hair. My friend found one caught in a trap and put the poor thing out of it's misery, and kindly shaved all the hair for me so at least the little creature's memory will live on albeit in my horribly-tied creations. There are a lot of small relatively unknown streams around teeming with what's called the largescale yellowfish - they frequent the more warmer rivers in the 'Lowveld' and 'Bushveld'. Bit confusing having largescale, smallscale, largemouth and smallmouth yellowfish in our vicinity! You're obviously a bit too far south for tigerfish but these game yellows will keep you fully occupied. In these shallower streams, stealthy sight-fishing upstream nymphing with simple PTN's and the like work for all the Baetis 'minnow fly' nymphs that frequent there. Frank Sawyer would've been in seventh heaven! Please gimme a bit of advance warning when you're next coming out as I know lots of unmarked rivers around there that probably have never been flyfished before - or at least not before I got there to ruin things! Your other trips sound great. By the way, like most old f'fishing soaks I am nigh-on unembarrassable but that is merely a comment not a challenge!

Will chat later, am trying tie a couple of monster flies to nail some big catfish from a little lake up the track later on. No one believes there are fish in this place - thank goodness! I've got some upto about 5 feet long here. Ugly and powerful and really serious fighters like my mum-in-law and I'm equally keen to see the back of all of them!

Cheers, Chris:chuckle:

01-28-2007, 08:06 AM
Glad to hear that Jamie is wearing proper fishin' gear for the Test!! As long as your hip-flask's full that's half the battle - couple of swigs of that'll give you strength enough to take on half a dozen Hoorah Henrys and their Purdeys - chances are they'd miss you anyway.

Here is a picture of said angler fully kitted up... Notice the way he's deftly placed his fly around the barbed-wire fence behind him! :chuckle:


chris williams
01-28-2007, 08:13 AM
In his defence, it must take:hihi: a helluva lotta talent to be able to cast that accurately!

01-28-2007, 01:22 PM
Nice one Bincksie; forgot you had that picture

01-29-2007, 02:49 AM
Nice one Bincksie; forgot you had that picture

One of many fella! :D

Mike Oliver
02-16-2007, 10:47 AM
Well Alan ,Jamie and Stevo,

It is really good to know that you have paved the way for my inugural visit to Cape Cod. I am sure I can expect a really grim welcome now. Amazing that these Guys are even contemplating talking to you again. I hope you had the grace to lose at cards and catch the smallest fish. Actually that probably comes easy to most of us Brits.

I am over with Deano and Austen is coming over for two weeks same time with another bunch of Brits. There is going to be an inbalance of accents on the flats. Will there be a place to set up my Kelly Kettle for a brew? Or will I need a fire proof floating raft.

I was reading here about the possibility of getting onto S Monomoy. It would seem that you need a reasonable number of Fishers to make the Ferry trip affordable. You are at least 4 I have a party of two must be others we can share with. Too far for my wet suit this one. Yes the wet suit is coming. Part of my kit after "M"

When you get cabin fever in your pokey motel rooms you can come down the road to me and Deano and take a beer and have a fish from the beach at the bottom of our garden. We might even let you fish our own inlet too. Bring flies for barter.

It is only 3.5 months to go now and I still have not started building that 9 wt yet. I got every rod wt you can imagine except for a 9wt, just typical of my luck.So like you I now have to to re-invest in a whole load of new fly lines. The choices are too many it puts your head into a total spin.
Still not found the courage to tell my wife about the trip yet might leave it until a couple days before the off. Cuts down on potential naggging time then.
Cheers for now


02-16-2007, 10:56 AM
You may have the wicket, but we've got the HOME RUN....ever watch David Ortiz tee off on a pitch and send it flying out of the park? It's a thing of beauty!

In England, that would be called a SIX :D

02-16-2007, 02:12 PM
Mike, No brewing up on South Beach old boy. They all drink karwfeee over there. Unless it is a still that you're going to be brewing from:devil: .

If you haven't managed to get any, I have 30' of T14 spare. I'll bring it to the BASS AGM, think I am supposed to be tying again this year.

Mike Oliver
02-17-2007, 06:17 AM

I know these Guys drink a strange brew that keeps you awake all night, but I thought I might introduce some of the more adveturous ones to properly brewed up English tea made fresh in the outdoors with boiling water from an Irish Kelly Kettle. No finer way to make or drink tea. You get to smell of burning twigs at the same time just like camp fire coffe.

This trip has pushed me over the edge. I have ordered my first ever fly tying materials and tool kit. So expect me to be hounding you for help at the AGM.


Mikey O