: An oldie but a goodie!
02-08-2006, 08:43 AM
A guy is 81 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."
He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, "Are you talking to me?"
The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be the most beautiful woman you've ever seen. The man opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nahhhhhhh....., at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.
02-08-2006, 08:59 AM
charlie that joke is old... before viagra was invented :hihi:
Why Fishing Is Better Than Sex
When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.
Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither and don't want to know how many other fish you caught.
In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught.
You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.
You can catch a fish on a $2 fly. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.
Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
02-08-2006, 09:47 AM
I thought the punchline was going to be that he stuck it on a hook... :)
02-08-2006, 11:27 AM
Two anglers are fishing in a river and the catching is good. A funeral procession passes overhead on a bridge, and one of the anglers removes his hat and bows his head as the vehicles pass. Once gone, he makes the sign of the cross, puts his hat back on, and returns to fishing.
"That was awfully noble of you," says the other angler.
"Aw, it's the least I could do. It was my wife."
02-08-2006, 11:37 AM
A touch of Irish weather humour from the shores of Lough Conn ....
"Well now, if ye can see Nephin, sure its going to rain. If ye can't see Nephin it's already raining..."
02-13-2006, 01:56 PM
Two rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
02-13-2006, 05:35 PM
There was a fellow who invited his next door neighbor (who happened to be a fish and game warden) fishing with him the next day. At dawn the next morning, the warden and the fellow set off in the fellow's pickup and tow his boat to a lake about 20 miles away that was full of notoriousy difficult to catch trout.
They launch the boat and the fellow motors out to the middle of the lake, opens up his tackle box, takes out a stick of dynamite, proceeds to light it, and tosses it overboard. After it goes off and causes some spray to get in the boat, the fellow scoops up a brown of about 5 lbs.
The warden can't believe what he just saw so he says, "You do know I'm a fish and game warden don't you? And that what you just did is illegal?"
The fellow simply says, "Yep." and takes out another stick of dynamite, lights it, hands it to the warden, and says, "Are you fishing or talking?"