OK, Sean .. we need a header for 'clean jokes.' [Archive] - Fly Fishing Forum

: OK, Sean .. we need a header for 'clean jokes.'


fredaevans
01-14-2004, 08:14 PM
Subject: Bank ATM withdrawal procedures

Please note that your Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember them when you use the machine for the first time.

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt

6. Put window up

7. Drive off



FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine

2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine

3. Set parking Brake, Put the window down

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card

5. Turn the radio down

6. Attempt to insert card into machine

7. Attempt to insert card into machine

8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car

9. Insert card

10. Re-insert card the right way up

11. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page

12. Enter PIN.

13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

14. Enter amount of cash required

15. Check make up in rear view mirror

16. Retrieve cash and receipt

17. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside

18. Place receipt in back of checkbook

19. Re-check make-up again

20. Drive forward 2 feet

21. Reverse back to cash machine

22. Retrieve card

23. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided

24. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers queuing behind

25. Restart stalled engine and pull off

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles

27. Release Parking Break

fredaevans
01-14-2004, 09:53 PM
Subject: CUTE ONE.




Blonde

A new employee (blonde of course) is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory
and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am.

The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The
Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about
the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line
is backing up, putting the entire plant behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides that he should see this for himself so the two
men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed
up that there are Elmo's all over the floor and they're really beginning to
pile up.

At the end of the line stands the new employee. She has a roll of red plush
fabric and a big bag of marbles. The men watch in amazement as she cuts a
little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew
the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of
hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to
her, barely able to keep a straight face," but I think you misunderstood me
yesterday. Your job is to give each Elmo two test tickles.

Hammer
01-14-2004, 09:58 PM
you must've been bad, very bad,,,i know how mean they can be,,,she's needing to let you out,,,,,,shame on you,,you know they call them the better half,,,,:tsk_tsk:

Dble Haul
01-15-2004, 08:49 AM
I think Sean has enough to do without worrying about the recent requests of forums for off-topic subjects and jokes. Let's let him work on what's important, which is keeping the site up and running.

I'm kinda half joking here, but I'm also half serious. Let's keep an eye on the big picture. We can tolerate plenty of off topic posts here in the Worldwide Forum, and I think that it's the appropriate place for them because it's a catch-all. If the moderators didn't think that they're appropriate, the would be removed.

And once again Sean, thanks for all that you do.