Being set free...
It was 5am, already a dog day in July and I couldn't sleep. The tee shirt weighed heavy on my restless chest and my eyes burned from a lack of closure as I stared at the ceiling. Kind of like the lack of closure I've had with my career predicament. As a recent casualty of the .com crash, it was the summer of the year that flyfishing helped me survive.
"How ironic" I thought as I came to realize that a fishing guide is not nearly as precarious of a profession in 2003 as an experienced middle-manager in the tech industry (20 yrs). Who would've thunk it, I wondered as I swung up off the bed, picked up my gear bag and slipped out the door of the cottage without waking a soul. The dog looked at me wanting to beg, but knowing it would be a waste. He knows that look in my eye, the one I get when the tides are spot on and the day is bright, and I am fishing for myself until dinner.
I feel bad for people who have never experienced Cape Cod at dawn. Nothing but pure beauty, and no spandex, lycra, vinyl or cologne scent to be detected - just a pure breezy scent of sea, under a pastel sky, a horizon of endless possibilities spreading over a temperate ocean shore as far as the eye can see and the mind can wander. I can't even dream up a better connection to this beauty than with a wand of graphite and a box of hand-tied trickery in the pocket of my flats shirt and the sand under my feet along the fine line where two worlds meet, mine and that of my good friend the striped bass.
Solitude encourages contemplation, even at dawn on the Cape, and I couldn't help but sigh about the work thing even as I pull on my waders. The weight in my chest was still there and it wasn't my tee shirt. If I were a single fishing bum, no problem - but as a family man with two in college and another pulling straight A's in high school, a dear worried wife, and a suburban mortgage, there were few nights I didn't toss and turn. I try not to show my own concerns to my life partner, saying things like "I am the richest man in the world when I am with you" and meaning it more than I could ever say, sadly knowing that it was they who are worried, not me. I am an over-confident independent bastard. It's their pain that hurts me.
Soon Admiral Ed's smile and wave snapped me out of the doldrums and I was buzzing across to the refuge again. It was a quiet weekday and I didn't know anyone on the boat. A couple with an incredible telescope, another pair with beach towels and a surf rod, three shore anglers. With Keith's well wishes I hopped the gunwhale and the adventure began.
The fish... it was in less than 20" of water, and over twice as long as the water was deep. I reached over 100' twice to put the fly in front of it with the two-hander and it did not suspect my presence in the least. It screamed my line into the backing so fast to reach the main channel that a clammer stopped to watch, raising a thumbs up and returning to his work. After an epic battle, I took this picture and she swam free.
I won't forget that fish, not for a very long time. It set me free.
It was 5am, already a dog day in July and I couldn't sleep. The tee shirt weighed heavy on my restless chest and my eyes burned from a lack of closure as I stared at the ceiling. Kind of like the lack of closure I've had with my career predicament. As a recent casualty of the .com crash, it was the summer of the year that flyfishing helped me survive.
"How ironic" I thought as I came to realize that a fishing guide is not nearly as precarious of a profession in 2003 as an experienced middle-manager in the tech industry (20 yrs). Who would've thunk it, I wondered as I swung up off the bed, picked up my gear bag and slipped out the door of the cottage without waking a soul. The dog looked at me wanting to beg, but knowing it would be a waste. He knows that look in my eye, the one I get when the tides are spot on and the day is bright, and I am fishing for myself until dinner.
I feel bad for people who have never experienced Cape Cod at dawn. Nothing but pure beauty, and no spandex, lycra, vinyl or cologne scent to be detected - just a pure breezy scent of sea, under a pastel sky, a horizon of endless possibilities spreading over a temperate ocean shore as far as the eye can see and the mind can wander. I can't even dream up a better connection to this beauty than with a wand of graphite and a box of hand-tied trickery in the pocket of my flats shirt and the sand under my feet along the fine line where two worlds meet, mine and that of my good friend the striped bass.
Solitude encourages contemplation, even at dawn on the Cape, and I couldn't help but sigh about the work thing even as I pull on my waders. The weight in my chest was still there and it wasn't my tee shirt. If I were a single fishing bum, no problem - but as a family man with two in college and another pulling straight A's in high school, a dear worried wife, and a suburban mortgage, there were few nights I didn't toss and turn. I try not to show my own concerns to my life partner, saying things like "I am the richest man in the world when I am with you" and meaning it more than I could ever say, sadly knowing that it was they who are worried, not me. I am an over-confident independent bastard. It's their pain that hurts me.
Soon Admiral Ed's smile and wave snapped me out of the doldrums and I was buzzing across to the refuge again. It was a quiet weekday and I didn't know anyone on the boat. A couple with an incredible telescope, another pair with beach towels and a surf rod, three shore anglers. With Keith's well wishes I hopped the gunwhale and the adventure began.
The fish... it was in less than 20" of water, and over twice as long as the water was deep. I reached over 100' twice to put the fly in front of it with the two-hander and it did not suspect my presence in the least. It screamed my line into the backing so fast to reach the main channel that a clammer stopped to watch, raising a thumbs up and returning to his work. After an epic battle, I took this picture and she swam free.
I won't forget that fish, not for a very long time. It set me free.