: New or Young Fathers---Beware
09-01-2003, 09:58 AM
I think I may have titled this too strong...But this is a personal message to all of you young or new fathers.... We just dropped my oldest boy (man???) a College yesterday and unpacked ,went to the orientaion and all the Stuff....A flood of memories came over me as I teared up several times in private... His first this ,his first that... even The recent stripers of a few years ago, The little league, the first day at school. I even have a hard time writting this... My concerns and coupled with my happiness... Beleive it or not it was, for me , more emotional than his birth... he is not far. My Mother felt sad also as it reminded her of the same thing30 years ago.... so take evey moment...make sure you take those fishing trips, forget going out with the fishing buddies more, and go with the "little" buddy. I feel guilty today about some of the anger I expressed for some of the things he did, but I also feel good that that was far and few. I wish I was his roomate Today.:(
Congratulations to you and your wife for a job well done, and you haven't lost a child but gained a young adult. The anger you expressed was for love, I've done the same, a worse parent would have selfishly ignored the mistakes so as not to be bothered. Thanks for sharing that with us.
My daughter is 1-1/2 and she drives her mommy crazy because she won't leave her alone when she's in the house. In order to get a few minutes to herself mommy has to leave. Anyways, we were talking about strategies we could use to get our girl to be more independent when suddenly mommy got all misty and said "well, you know, there will come a time not long from now when she won't want to hang around with me anymore, she'll only want to play with her friends."
We both had a little tear about that and decided to go a little easier on ourselves and our clingy daughter.
My son is 3 and he's already all jacked about fishing, but I haven't taken him out yet. Next summer we'll start, but I can already see the day when he will be off doing his own thing too. My friends who have grown kids warn me to take time to do the kind of fishing kids like to do first, rather than have them tag along to do the tougher stuff that I like. I'm planning on listening to that good advice.
09-01-2003, 12:16 PM
It sure is tough to let go, even when you know it's the right thing to do. As Juro said, you are soon going to welcome home a new friend in addition to a son. A greater buddy you will never find.
As difficult as it is to see the nest going empty, it is also important to always make sure there is room to come back to in the nest and to provide every element of support for those who are away, because it can also be a difficult adaptation for them.
Then comes the infamous call " Mom, Dad, send money!"
At times like this i"m reminded of the saying that goes something like this....
Shed not a tear for that which you feel is now lost, rejoice in having the memories of the past and the new discoveries and pleasures yet to be had....
09-01-2003, 04:01 PM
And then after they are married and have kids of their own, they will bring those wonderful grandkids by for you the "baby sit". How little they know that it is not baby sitting, it is having fun with the grandkids!!.
And buying them good fly gear as they enter the teen years is equally worth the cost. It is a great investment in their future.
My kids are and have been a great blessing to my wife and I, eventhough at times we wanted to stuff them in a sack and hang them from a tree. We woudn't trade any of them for anything. And grandkids are even more fun!!
I wouldn't exactly say grandchildren are MORE fun, but AS MUCH fun as your own kids! Best part is you don't get upset when they want to throw rocks in the water, or stop fishing to chase a frog, or catch a turtle, or pick flowers, or get stuck in the mud - this is all part of "kid fishing", and you've been through it before!
Whether it's your kids, your grandchildren, or somebody else's kids, kids are fun, and they want to learn everything!
09-01-2003, 08:45 PM
Fred and I had three at University at one time .. financial 'drain' was worth EVERY penny. All graduated, all are doing well (some better than others, but that's to be expected) with degrees .. well, in one case, I can't even find it in the Websters on my desk.
"Our Deal," as both Fred and I were in Sr. Management at the time, was your quarterly/semester grades were your 'employee performance reveiws.' Good 'reviews' and you were "employeed."
God, that cost us a lot of money.:D
Struib., you sound like a fellow I would really like to meet and give a huge Hug!
09-01-2003, 10:37 PM
Joining the kids in finding turtle, getting stuck in the mud, looking under rocks to see what bugs may be lurking there, falling in, and taking in the natural world around are some of the most fun a parent or grandparent can have. My daughter has very fond memories of going camping and fishing on the North Fork of the Flathead River in Montana when I fell in after hooking a 16 inch cutthroat because I stumbled on a rock while being waist deep. She was 7 at the time and it still causes her to have a fit of laughter that dad fell in and only had his rod and fishing hat out of the water.
It sounds like you had as much fun with your kids as Nora and I had and have with ours (we have two sons still growing, on 16 and on 12), our daughter is 24, has two kids, 3 and 1 1/2, and she and Matt have another on the way with a late January due date. Even our two teen sons like being uncles, they think it is way cool.
Had 3 of the "rug rats" (grandchildren) out last week. A 9 year old, a 7 year old, and a 3 year old. Had a ball. The fishing was LOUSY, but I made darn sure that the park had a modern play area and water spray park. So the kids had a good time in the outdoors. And they saw a couple of snakes, too, which made their day!
The 9 and 7 year olds are getting to be pretty good casters (with spinning rods), so that makes it much easier (not to mention safer) to keep some semblance of order.
09-02-2003, 08:22 AM
First day of school. After a summer of fun and laughter, the house is suddenly very empty. The day started with an early morning "job". I got early relief and was able to get home in time to take every one to school. It was hard... for me. It was just a few weeks ago when I was still "needed". Daddy this and daddy that.
I dropped my big one off first. Second grade. A real pro. As I went to get out of the car she said, "Don't get out Dad (no daddy :( ?) I can do this myself". As I watched her bound down the walk way, her pony tail swinging back and forth, I saw that my little girl was growing up. As she reaquainted herself with her friends, I realized that her life would now involve those friends and school. And, some day, boys.:eek: With out a second look, she walked off.
I dropped my little one off at Pre-K a short time later. She was so excited to go to school, I thought she would pee her pants. I parked the car and undid her seat belt. Before I knew what was happening, she was out of the car and running for the door. " Come on Dad!" I dropped the lunch box, then hit my head on the car door as I picked it up. She had a good 30 yards on me but I finally caught her just as she entered the class room. " See Ya Dad! Hi! I'm Trisha. What's your name?" And that was that. I was left at the door wondering what ever happened to "Daddy".
At the end of the day, they will all be home filled with stories of the first day of school. Old friends, new friends and prue excitement will be the subject at the dinner table. My wife will inform me the this is the "Worst class I"ve ever had!". By June, it will be the "The greatest class ever!". And I'll just sit there and smile. I'll nod my head now and then so it looks like I'm paying attention. And as I do the dishes, I'll smile and remind my self that collage is only 10 years away.
09-03-2003, 05:07 AM
Know how you feel John. While I never pushed my kids into fishing I would not want it any other way. The three of them are young adults now. I now have three different cities to vist and fish !! I could have had a flats boat with all the money I have spent on colleges but that's ok by me.
09-03-2003, 07:36 AM
REALITY CHECK!!!!! Late Morning Phone call..."Hi Dad, I really need some more money and don't forget to go and get that Desk top!"
:hehe: Me too, I asked mine to take care of a few minor things needing repair and repent from his last home-trashing party before moving out to his sophomore year abode while I packed, moved, and helped him set up at the new room. When I got back, I found none of those things were done!
Two things... I'd like some help guys, let's all go over his place, get drunk and trash it! ;)
When he comes home thinking he's going to do laundry and get a home cooked meal those tasks are going to be there waiting for him before he walks in that door :chuckle:
The favorite message from the college kids is in a letter or phone call that says, "Dear Mom and Dad - Don't write - send money!"
PS - been there, had it happen to me!:rolleyes:
09-03-2003, 01:00 PM
Oldest son decided to join the Marines before going to college. Something abut wanting some life experience. Was in boot camp 9/11. Fought in Iraq for 2 months. Now somewhere around Liberia. I believe he now has his experience. You would think he could take care of himself yet I receive regular emails asking me to put more money on his calling card so he can talk to his mom. Believe me it does not bother me in the least.
A Marine asking for "money from home"? When I was in, I would die first - and I didn't know anyone who would do this.
09-03-2003, 02:52 PM
Gee Bob it is nice to know that you would give up your life for a few bucks on a calling card. Seems a bit arrogant to pass judgment on one of your own while he is putting it all on the line for you. That doesn't sound like a Marine to me. What is that saying? Oh yeah, Semper Fi.
The kid has insisted he pay me back every cent. I have no arguments with that. It is far cheaper for me to listen to elevator music while waiting to talk to a live person at the phone company then for someone using a ship's phone or even a land line in some foreign country.
I think you owe my son an apology.
09-03-2003, 04:01 PM
I noticed the very sharp turn that this thread took with Bob's last comment. I was gonna stay out of this, but now I just can't.
I have to agree with Kerry. It was a bit over the top.
Here's to seeing seeing cooler heads prevail here.